Let’s celebrate this Halloween with the horror of the Orange Man. Capable of sending hundreds of thousands from their homes and into the streets distraught with fear of the future and the righteous concern for the well being of all the children of the land.
I have always wondered why anyone would want to be president. Sure you would get the use of a nice plane, live in a nice house and get to eat good food. Additionally you would get to meet lots of interesting people. However the downside is half the people in the country would hate you, and conversely, they would ask some really tough unanswerable questions. So how come the Orange Man, who had really some nice planes, a bunch of really nice houses, and I would presume, some really good food want to what essentially would be to go slumming? Additionally the Orange Man was already regularly seen with some really interesting people. He had all that, and nobody really hated him, or asked really tough questions. He had it made, in the shade.
So why on earth would the Orange Man possibly want to have half the country hate him? So the other half would love him? Nope, he said that he wanted to fix things. He figured himself a fixer. In some strange way I could relate to that. Strangely the Orange Man exceeded all expectations, fully two thirds of the country hate him, while only one third of the country sees him as a revolutionary super hero. Congratulations are in order.
Of course such horrific success is not the result of the efforts of a single man. The sun kissed success of the Orange Man is the fruit of organized teamwork by many participants and organizations. His orange essence has bottled and boxed in by the Plastic Media. Their artisanally crafted faux news has made the horror of the Orange Man so appealing for so many. Additionally the many Wealthy Toddlers of the NFL enforce stereotypical perceptions by squeezing the perceived pulp of morality out of the Orange Man. Finally the Self Congratulatory Perverts of Hollywood lust after every drop of the essence of the subtlety crafted horrors so creatively ascribed to the Orange Man. Such teamwork is united by the extortionary language motivated by the unquenchable thirst of indescribable wealth and the demonic desire for the infliction of pain upon any who could possibly interfere with their self-righteous acquisitions. To be able to gin up the disdain, or even hatred of two thirds of the populace? Absolutely ghoulish success!
So I raise my glass of Orange Juice to toast the Great Orange Man on this All Hallows Eve! Even when I think he’s wrong, he’s right. Such a ghoulish success. Cheers to all!