I’m Guilty

Systematic racism is a thing, and I am guilty.

Now let me tell you my story. My father was a liberal’s liberal. He enjoyed liberal causes and protesting. He would stand in the road in a black burka and hold a bloody doll, when others would just hold signs. He wanted to be arrested for his cause. Let me pause, and go back in time.

My father moved to Westchester county to have a family, he wanted his family to live in a good neighborhood and have good schools. The church we went to was occasionally broadcast on live TV, back when there were only three networks. I played with black children in the schoolyard. I spent summer’s in the countryside. Life was idyllic. The neighborhood may have not been exactly multiethnic, but it was multicultural. I was in a minority. I was what was called a WASP, and I did not know any others with the same label.

My first exposure to racism was in high school. I wanted to play basketball like Larry Bird. I was told white boys were not allowed in gym. Gym was for the blacks because they were disadvantaged, I had to understand that. I thought that it was interesting that white girls were allowed in the gym though. Anyway my favorite high school teacher was Mr. Bollock, the shop teacher. He was very black.

When I went to college I ended up in a dorm with forty Iranian students and a black guy. Most people thought he was a pimp. I did not really talk to him. The Iranians thought I was Savak, I convinced them that I was not. I did introduce the Iranians to Christmas. I set up Christmas tree for them, we shared presents and had a good time. Thirty eight of were very happy, two were not.

Though I went to college, I was not very good at it. I had a Columbian girlfriend. A very large muscular black man introduced himself to me with some very racist words. He told me to stick to my own kind then he laid me out flat on the floor. Thankfully his friends pulled him off of me. I think he was upset about football. I forget all about it until much later in life.

One time my fathers company hired me to help them move. I worked with a big black guy named Jet. He seemed a bit paranoid, I told him it was OK, nobody was out to get him. Nobody seemed to want to move my fathers secretary’s desk. So I went to pick up her typewriter. She burst into tears! I assured her that her desk would be just the way it is in the new building. I set it up perfectly for her. Very strange.

During most of my working life it was good if you were black. You would get a promotion. It was just the way it was. Sometimes we wondered why, sometimes not.

We used to get Life magazine along with Time and Newsweek. We listened to NPR. We were solid middle class, in a very liberal county. I voted for Jimmy Carter in my first election. He was both a nuclear physicist and a farmer! I found out later that he liked to build houses. What a great guy. I did notice that we had three different magazines for different point of view, but they always had the same person on the cover. I knew we live in a big world, what were the odds?

My father liked “All in the Family” a TV show. They had talked about it in  church. I said that it is a show that only talks about racism. I was told of course, it mocks racism. I disagreed, it described racism in all its forms. How would we know it we were not told. I cared more about tools, cars, and building. I did not watch that show, or its kind.

I moved to the countryside where I had spent my summers. The town was ninety eight percent Republican. So I registered Republican. My father was a big fan of John Anderson. He was going to win. I more or less believed my father at the time. However a neighbor from the country invited me to watch the presidential debate. He had a TV. It was Carter vs Reagan. My neighbor was very nice and did not mention politics. He just wanted me to watch the debate. It was black and white. I remember a fly landed on Jimmy Carter, I may or may not of mentioned it. I do not remember whom I voted for. Reagan won in a landslide, Anderson who? Yes, I was distinctly out of touch, now I was aware of it.

I still listened to NPR. One day Newt Gingrich compared NPR to Radio Moscow, and said that the government should defund NPR. I thought maybe NPR was more like the BBC and should receive even more funding. We do not really need commercialism. Seemed very logical to me. Yes, I was astonished when the commentators went on a vicious anti Newt rant. Logic had left their mind.

Reagannomics was good for me and members of my family. The actor had pulled through. Trickle down, or whatever you wanted to call it, worked.

Let me back up a bit here. You can see I was raised a liberal. I know them and love them, I seek their approval. Now let be get a bit Freudian. You remember my dad’s secretary? He was having an affair with her. Her daughter was in an asylum. My dad wanted to be like her. With the help of some of his relatives who did not like me, they put me in an asylum. I simply considered it continuing education. Yet I still wanted to be loved by him. I continued to seek his approval till he died, and probably still do so. Politically I have changed, yet I desire the approval of the radically liberal. Of course I end up getting hurt. I know them better than they know themselves.

I was fortunate to interact personally with the Trump family. I know everything the media says about him is lies. I know it in my heart. Worse, because of my desire for acceptance I know the hearts of the most liberal. Yet it is the lies that are conventional wisdom.

Now it is time for me to lick the boots of my oppressors. I do so willingly. This is where I am guilty. Black lives matter. Of course all lives matter. This is where I am wrong. We live in a fascist society where only certain lives matter. The others, like mine do not. I think that is why I write, because of injustice. They are wrong.

I like these people, I want them to be my friends. Therefore I make excuses for them. Everyone is entitled to their opinion I will say. Instead I should say that is simply a racist hateful lie. That is where I am guilty.

Like those two cops that were with the cop that killed that guy. They were on the job for four days. I am guilty like them, they did not stop the crime. I feel bad for them, they must hurt inside. I am sure they wanted the other cop to like them.

Three of my ancestors fought in the civil war. One became famous, one died in battle, one wrote a diary. I see no monuments to them on the national mall. Thank them for the 14th amendment. It would not have happened otherwise. I will guess that they were the first Republicans in my family.

The Democrat party is a crime. Conceived on the Trail of Tears, spending its childhood raising the Confederate Flag, then donning the white hood of the KKK. The party then perfected systematic racism with the Great Society. Sure their were some good moments. It’s not what your country can do for you, but what can you do for your country. They don’t say that anymore. I will continue in a moment.

Now I will concede that blacks suffer economically. Jobs could make a difference. That was Trump’s platform. Full stop. It was making a difference. The party of racist hate was not happy about that. Bad cop kills a man says President Trump. Party of hate translates that to say White Cop kills Black Man. Everyone must agree. Organized riots ensue.

Organized is the key. The party of hate is the free world’s largest political organization. Many think that they have sold out to the world’s largest political organization. It’s probably true. Or maybe Joe Biden is really Vincent Gigante. Anyway the party has become overtly criminal. From pink hats to brick throwing criminals, they have it all. Motivated by a desire to keep the economy from recovering before the election they have resorted to lawlessness. Pre positioning bricks for rioters, absolutely despicable. No you can’t have a graduation, wedding or funeral because pandemic. But you can riot! Spontaneous peaceful protests with pre positioned bricks and paid agitators. They destroyed hundreds of small businesses and thousands of jobs. Yes that helps the black man and woman. Not!

Protesting by itself doesn’t accomplish anything except maybe brainwashing. Protesting with hateful violence, despicable! What’s next on their agenda?

Yes I am guilty. Guilty of being nice to these people and looking past their faults. They desire to rip the fabric of society for their own gains. For even in the unlikely event they get voted out, they will remain as a criminal organization. Systematic racism for personal advantage is all they know. Vote them out! Then distance yourself from the remainder. They have infected themselves, they are toxic.


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